What the fuck are you lookin at?

So yeah, I am a fat bitch................

2006-05-26T07:15:00.000-07:00

WOOHOOO I AM OFFICIALLY A NURSE AGAIN! thank you, thank you! it was a long drawn out 33 CEUs I had to complete in one day but I did it. I ROCK! :) Word to the wise, if you let your license lapse you DON'T have to take a refresher course like that dumb cunt told me 4 years ago. I hope you got vagitosis you stupid twit.

Now I can move it on up in the mini Evil Empire! WooHoo! Do I get a mini-me? That would be awesome! Have some snarky little troll me running around here kicking and biting people? I'd pay to see that show!

Love.............stinks.

2006-03-29T16:02:00.000-08:00

i dont know why this has to be so hard. why do you have to tell someone they need to show their wife love? "well we sit and watch hockey together and we go to the grocery store together......".........WTF DO YOU WANT A COOKIE?? you are supposed to do shit like that together sometimes. thats not spending TIME together my love, thats accomplishing tasks. thats entertainment. thats not TIME in the sense i am referring to. i am a woman, i need to bond. most men i know, need to bond. but not you. and yes, i know why that is. and i understand it. and i try to live with it. i just ask for the same compassion from you for my needs. when i see you need to be left alone, i take my book and i go to bed. or i make plans with my girlfriends to get out of the house to leave you alone. i try honey, i really do. so you say you love me, and you say you want this to work (or you did once upon a time) so why when you see i have a need you back up and say "thats not my job..........." JOB? WHO THE FUCK SAID ITS A JOB? you should do it because you love me and you WANT me to be happy. you should do it because holding me close in bed and just being together feels good to you too. you should do it because i am a woman, and i need things like that. i NEED touching and feeling and talking like you need to breathe. i NEED kissing and touching and TENDERNESS sometimes. if you truly cant step up and be a husband instead of a part time fuck buddy who happened to say vows with me, then maybe we do need to rethink this arrangement. i love you, but i cant live the rest of my life without love and closeness. i just cant.

Wow its been a while

2006-01-08T10:58:00.000-08:00

so i figure while im waiting for my moisturizer to dry i should blog something, at least i can say im not as lame as that "moo" guy who blogs every god damn day:) so anyway, its been almost 3 mos since my surgery and im down 60lbs. which still makes me a huge bitch, but not as huge as i was:) which makes me happy mchapperson! i have a new job so yes, UNITED HEALTH CARE CAN SUCK MY ASS! bitches. really, if you are starving and your dog is starving and they offer to buy your soul i mean offer you a job, FUCKING RUN! cereal dude, dont do it. i got a great job at a small evil empire because, as Mrs. Marcos says "She sucka good dick!" and to that i say THANKS HUN:) either way things are looking good right now, AND i got laid rather well last night, thanks sweetie:)

i would whore myself for steak..............

2005-10-15T21:07:00.000-07:00

so i have surgery on weds the 19th. i am almost done with the liquid diet and yes i have cheated. suck me bitch, who wants to drink fucking carnation instant breakfast for 10 god damn days?

it doesnt help that the hubby got fired from his job. 7 god damn years and they just called him in and said "suck our balls bitch you are out of here"..................nice. fuckers. i shoulda keyed your god damn lexus when i had the chance you ugly bitch.

so anyway, yeah surgery is on weds. so im excited about that. i work monday then not again for a month. ugh, work.........that will be its own post as will the shit about my family.

later:)

Alls well that ends well

2005-10-05T08:44:00.000-07:00

so the hubby and i worked thru our shit. sometimes i think they just need to be reminded that how things "look" and how things "are" impact us greatly. something he thought of as entirely innocent (insert eyeroll here) was something that brought up many issues for me. most not so nice issues. after i got everthing off my chest, and i mean EVERYTHING off my chest, i think he finally understood how i felt. and how it looked. and then we had the most AWESOME make up sex ever! i still get warm thinking about it;D

so today is the home opener for the MN WILD!!! WOOOHOOOOOOO!!! cant wait for tonight and to see all my friends at the game! should be great!!!

On to something a little more pleasant shall we?

2005-10-02T12:38:00.000-07:00

We have 5 little bundles of joy:) Our oldest is Princess Annie May of the Milky Way. Annie is an 11 year old Beagle and the child of my heart. She did things for me at one of the darkest parts of my life, that to this day I can't believe. When I first met Rick, after a bit he introduced me to his child Annie. Annie and I instantly hit it off. I started taking her while he worked on the weekends. I was having a bad time (unknown to just about everyone) with booze and my prescription meds but having Annie with me gave me someone to care about again. I remember one super bad episode where I was laying on my bed crying. That hard can't breathe crying and she was on the bed with me. She got up and layed basically on me with her head over my shoulder (I was laying on my tummy) and just sat there with me while I cried. At one point I looked over at her and she was looking back at me but her lip was kinda curled up under her gumb (some beagles have the larges jowls lol) and she looked so comical that I stopped crying and started laughing. The amount of empathy in that little body astounds me to this day. Even if she is a bad girl most of the time:) Momma loves her bad girl:)

After I moved in with Rick we got Jacques. Jacques is a 3 year old Nanday Conure and the "guard dog" of our little family:) Nandays are the watchdogs of the forest. If there is a flock of Nandays around, you hear them well before you see them. Jacques is named after the head coach of the Wild, Jacques Lemaire. She is a sweetheart who loves to give kisses and say "Hello!!" when she is not screaming at people who dare to walk in front of our building. I agree with her. Get the fuck off our sidewalk!;)

Afer Jacques, we got Chewy. Ahh my boy Chewy. My poor little rescue angel. Chewy is a 4 year old Eclectus male. We saw Chewy at a petstore in St. Louis Park, Minnesota and we thought he was a big baby bird. All down and fuzz. Imagine our horror when we found out he was a year and a half old and had plucked himself bare due to stress. As someone with PTSD this killed me to see this gentle soul stuck where he was. I had gone over to his cage and I had stuck a finger in and he literally ran across his perch to give me finger hugs and kisses. That was it for me. He stole my heart. The next day we brought him home to his forever home and he is a constant source of amusement for us. He loves hard metal music like Rob Zombie and the little turd LOVES horror movies. He LAUGHED at the part in "Alien" when the monster busted out of that dude's chest. I thought I was gonna piss myself laughing. He is also a Wild fan shouting WOOOHOOOO when they score, which isnt enough but they are working on it:) Chewy has a large vocabulary but will only talk when he thinks no one is watching:) He LOVES to yell at the dogs and tell the girls to "STOP THAT!" when they start screaming too loud:) Momma loves her Chewy and he will never ever be away from her.

After Chewy we got Oscar. OMG Oscar. Talk about a goofy boy:) Oscar is a 4-8 year old Bassett hound. We really have no idea how old he is but he acts like a puppy and we were told he was 8. Oscar is a sweet sweet baby and he loves his Daddy. He is happy go lucky and he loves to please. It amazes me daily that anyone could give up a baby as sweet as Oscar. Let alone he is a perfect example of what a Bassett hound should look like, he is one of the sweetest dogs I have ever met and we were blessed to find him.

After Oscar we got the "girls", Moose and Roli. Moose is a Dusky Conure and Roli is a Sun Conure. We had Moose for several months before determining "she" was a "he" and we had to re-home him. His poor hormones where making him crazy and he would attack anyone who tried to pick up Roli or Jacques. I miss him and I still feel like I failed him but I know he is in a better home and much happier. Roli. Roli is named after our goaltender Dwayne Roloson. She is a Sun Conure and definately the ditzy blonde of the group. She is a little hoot:) She can't function in the morning unless she shares a bowl of cereal with Daddy:) It's adorable:) Roli and Jacques, along with Oscar and you will soon learn about Peppercorn ADORE Daddy:) I love watching them with him. They bring out the things in him obviously I can't, but I wont get started on that again.

Peppercorn, "Pepper" for short is a 7 year old male Eclectus we adopted from a woman in Indiana. We drove from Minneapolis, MN to bumfuck Indiana and back in one day to get him. What do I say about Pepper?? LOL he hates me with a passion:) He would sooner rip Mommy's face off than look at me:) But he ADORES Daddy and will regurgitate for him:) He is so sweet with Rick and will preen him and love up on him. Even though he hates me I love him because he is a wonderful bird and he can be funny when he wants to be:)

e-mail trails and the trouble they cause

2005-10-01T17:53:00.000-07:00

have you ever seen something that you werent supposed to see? something that ripped your heart out and you dont know how to bring it up because you dont know if you can maintain adult control of your emotions long enough to have a discussion about what you saw? or not kill the other person in the process? once a long time ago it happened with someone i loved very much and now again today. what is it with you stupid fucking men? yes, thats right i said STUPID. FUCKING. MEN. if you dont want women to call you that then quit being so fucking stupid. so today i saw an e-mail my HUSBAND wrote to a fucking whore he used to work with. yes women, if you FLIRT with someone you know is in a relationship or married that makes you a cunt of the first fucking class. congratulations. you are on your way to being a dumb fucking cunt like paris hilton. im sure you will be envied. i thought about posting the entire e-mail here, addresses and all. but im not THAT evil. yet.

so yeah, its an ongoing battle with my "husband" to show me affection or anything. he blames it on his first wife so i cut him a TON of slack in that dept. i come on to him constantly. i send him little love notes CONSTANTLY. what do i get back? not a fucking thing. but i loooooooooooove him and i know he had a fucking twat bitch from the deep lagoon before me so i let it slide. he tells me he "just isnt like that" and blah blah blah. THEN i fucking SEE in e-mails to other women (yes, i said plural............) all this mushy bubbly shit and i wonder what the fuck is so wrong with me? and it makes me want to hurt him as much as he hurt me. but i wont. because like i said im not evil like that yet. but i think i have potential. and the more im pushed i think the easier it would be.

so how would you feel if you saw someone you love telling another person "That's why I love ya! Just wish you would show me how dirty your little mind works!!:)", i mean i know its POSSIBLE im taking this the wrong way, and im sure thats what i will be told, but im dumb, just not stupid. so that leaves me in a place i always hated yet liked being. cold. distant. angry. i was like this after greg, and i was like this after curt.

i hope you like me this way rick. because until you show me i should be any other way this is how its going to be. have fun.

What the fuck are you lookin at?

2005-09-30T16:05:00.000-07:00

So yeah, I'm told I need to get on here and blog. So here you go you crabby LITTLE bitch:) I will talk a bit about my job. So I am hideously busy but my job is so fucking boring that if I don't find little things to do I will go nuts and kill someone. So today I didn't have time to do those little things. I got to do an e-mail here and there but no serious slacking. Which thoroughly pisses me off. Then to top it off I deal with Work Comp shit. There are some seriously stupid fucking idiots that approve work comp claims. fo' shizzle. So I get this ignorant bitch today who can't speak English well. I ask her, "What are you covering on this claim?"......to which the ignorant bitch screams "SHOULDER ONLY!!!" at me over the phone. Well, dude in question has a shoulder impingement AND neck pain. The two CAN BE mutually exclusive but in my experience with work comp this is seldom the case. That whole "the foot bone is connected to the leg bone" shit. So I ask our little work comp Princess, "But what about his neck pain that started at the same time?" and she screams again "SHOULDER ONLY!!!".....
me: but his neck started at the same time....
bitch: SHOULDER ONLY!!!
me: im sorry, can you elaborate?
bitch: SHOULDER! ONLY!
me: ok, I understand you are covering his shoulder but I dont understand why you wont cover his neck pain as well?
bitch: (even louder) SHOULDER ONLY!!!!
me: ok, are you a nurse/doctor/physical therapist or occupational therapist???
bitch: (in a rather snotty voice) NO IM NOT, ARE YOU????
me: yes, i am. and i would like to speak to your manager.

i need a new fucking job.

Crabby fucking Men

2005-09-27T17:29:00.000-07:00

so whats a fucking girl to do when you are horny out of your god damn mind and the hubby wants to sit there and watch the 1980 olympic hockey game? i mean yeah, ok, it is THE fucking game but still dude you got it on tape. "Head" vs "Taped Hockey", and let me add its FABUFUCKINGLOUS head even if i do say so myself.

so anyway, enough of my ranting about how i dont get laid enough and on to the good shit. so today i met with the dietician. how much fun is that sitting there with a size 0 fucking bitch while she tells you how you eat too much. gee, bitchface why dont you go suck a fucking dick, ok? hows that sound? good? good. i go now.

do you think the skinny bitch knew i went to mcdonalds afterwards for a chicken sammie fries and a high c? she does? oh hey just kidding:) im just kidding:) salad and apples for me..........yessiree! ;)

so in 20 days they will be wheeling my fat ass into the operating room to cut out half my stomach and before you sit there and rumble out of that sphincter you call a mouth about how if i didnt go to mcdonalds i woudlnt need surgery, let me say to you go suck a dick. you dont know me or my life or medically what is going on with me. and i eat mcdonalds now because after i have surgery i never will again. lets see you do that sparky.

on a better note, i might get laid:) so i better go shower.

so ima fat bitch

2005-09-26T19:21:00.000-07:00

hey. you must be bored. like i am. otherwise why would you be wasting your time looking at what anonymous idiots type about their painfully boring lives? you're and idiot for reading, and im an idiot for typing. we are in great company.

man there aint fucking shit on TV. what is this csi miami shit. fuck david caruso is old AND fugly. get off my TV bitch. well......he would get off if i wasnt too damn lazy to get up and get the remote. HEY SHARKS!! this just got interesting. shit, my dog is licking up bird shit off the paper, brb.

damn that dog will eat anything, as evidenced by her licking up bird shit mommy didnt move fast enough to clean up. i think our parrot shits there just to spite me. he sees our dog lick it up and then kiss us. in a way, im sure he feels that means we kiss his ass. which we do anyway. he is a parrot for crissakes. i wonder if he will taste better stewed or broiled, damn if he didnt just laugh at me when i asked him. you are too big for your little green britches my little man............

so yeah, im married. great guy. crabby as all fucking hell but great guy non the less. crabbier now because he just stopped taking his zoloft. thanks for telling me honey. fuck. people if you are gonna stop taking your antidepressant TELL your significant other. fuck me, its painful!

so yeah anyway im having gastric bypass surgery on 10/19/2005 primarily because i want to look hot naked:) i mean c'mon why lie? that and i dont want to fucking die a painful death in a lot of pain on a lot of meds because im in pain. sense a theme? yeah i dont like pain and im in a lot of it now. no im not gonna tell you how fat i am so dont ask. thats rude. i hate rude even more than i hate pain.

so maybe i will type more tomorrow if im bored. then again who the fuck am i kidding? of course i will be bored.